B3ta newsletter 357 - lots of stuff this week, there's Xmas cards from the Spastic Society, an evil version of SNURL just to cause trouble and also some advertising agency that wants to pay you £500 per idea they use. Huzzah.
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published by
rob on 5th Dec at 2pm
Cougars and Sugar Daddies
Tell us your stories of age gap shags. No paedo gags please.
Inspired by The Resident Loon
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asked by
Scaryduck on 4th Dec at 1pm
Anagram Photoshops
Funeral? Real fun. Robert DeNiro? Nerdier Robot. Kylie Minogue? I Like Em Young. Take a phrase or celebrity name, work out a really good anagram, and then photoshop the result.
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set by
Fraser on 3rd Dec at 7pm
B3ta newsletter 356, out now. This week featuring your surprisingly controversial views on cooking with toasters. Blimey.
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published by
rob on 28th Nov at 1pm
Cringe!
Chickenlady winces, "I told a Hugh Grant/Divine Brown joke to my dad, pretending that Ms Brown was chewing gum so she'd be more American. Instead I just appeared to be still giving the blow-job. Even as I'm writing this I'm cringing inside."
Tell us your cringeworthy stories of embarrassment. Go on, you're amongst friends here...
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asked by
chthonic on 27th Nov at 6pm
B3ta Christmas cards
"Surely about time b3tans started getting into the festive spirit", writes barryheadwound. And since this challenge has come round a few times in the past, don't start new threads with reposts. Stick them in old ones. Cheers.
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set by
rob on 27th Nov at 9am
B3ta newsletter 355 - out now. And blimey we're a bit fried. Roll on weekend. Oh yeah. Really we should write copy that sells the newsletter but after writing the damn thing I'm never in the mood. Um, this week featuring the BNP and Kunt and the Gang? SELL. SELL. SELL.
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published by
rob on 21st Nov at 2pm
Family codes and rituals
Freddy Woo writes, "as a child we used to have a 'whoever cuts doesn't choose the slice' rule with cake. It worked brilliantly, but it's left me completely anal about dividing up food - my wife just takes the piss as I ritually compare all the slice sizes."
What codes and rituals does your family have?
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asked by
chthonic on 20th Nov at 6pm
Recreating Album Covers
Using just what you have about you, recreate your favourite album cover. Photoshopping album covers doesn't count.
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set by
Fraser on 20th Nov at 10am
B3ta newsletter 354 - out now! This week featuring simply every awesome thing in the universe. Including a hedgehog in a hat.
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published by
rob on 14th Nov at 12pm
Procrastination
Outlook is a wonderful tool, but not when it keeps reminding you that it is now 96 weeks since you were supposed to finish a report you haven't even started yet.
Just how lazy are you? How long will you put off the essential or the inevitable? What do you fill the time with?
(We're too lazy to write something funny here. You do it.)
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asked by
chthonic on 13th Nov at 6pm
The Daily Mail
B3ta is issuing you a three word challenge: The Daily Mail.
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set by
Fraser on 12th Nov at 8pm
Newsletter 353 out now - filled with the best links in the world. There's mine and Daves "I Spot Internet Humour" thingie which we're dreadfully proud of. And of course lots of other stuff.
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published by
rob on 7th Nov at 11am
Stuff I've found
Freddy Woo writes, "My non-prostitute-killing, lorry driving uncle once came home with a wedding cake. Found it in a layby, scoffed the lot over several weeks."
What's the best thing you've found?
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asked by
chthonic on 6th Nov at 11am
Macho Products
Forget all those wussy "lifestyle" products. What we'd like to see in these straightened times are the proper, manly things that Andy McNabb and Chuck Norris would buy, and how they'd be used.
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set by
Fraser on 5th Nov at 6pm
Newsletter 352 - well bugger me, it's 9:00 in the morning and the newsletter is ready and we're posting it out. How on earth can this be happening? Erm, I've got a 11am meeting. Woo hoo.
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published by
rob on 31st Oct at 9am
Eccentrics
We all know someone who's a little bit strange - Mum's UFO abduction secret, or the mad Uncle who isn't allowed within 400 yards of Noel Edmonds.
Tell us about your family eccentrics, or just those you've met but don't think you're related to.
(Suggested by sugar_tits)
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asked by
chthonic on 30th Oct at 7pm
Photoshop the US Election
Americans go to the polls this week to elect a new leader of the free world, and it's our responsibility to make the entire process look as silly as possible. So that's the challenge.
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set by
Fraser on 29th Oct at 8pm
B3ta newsletter 351 out now, and published surprisingly early. Mainly because I want to get to park with my son - hope the rain clears.
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published by
rob on 24th Oct at 11am
Tightwads
There's saving money, and there's being tight: saving money at the expense of other people, or simply for the miserly hell of it.
Tell us about measures that go beyond simple belt tightening into the realms of Mr Scrooge.
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asked by
chthonic on 23rd Oct at 1pm
Extreme Horses!
We love horses, and we're sure you do too. But imagine how much better it would be if they were adrenaline junkies, with their own horsey X-Games and everything!
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set by
Fraser on 22nd Oct at 9pm
B3ta Newsletter 350 - out now! And thank God for that, we now want to go for a beer and a wank. In that order. In the pub.
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published by
rob on 17th Oct at 2pm
Common
Freddy Woo writes, "My wife thinks calling the front room a lounge is common. Worse, a friend of hers recently admonished her daughter for calling a toilet, a toilet. Lavatory darling. It's lavatory."
My own mother refused to let me use the word 'oblong' instead of 'rectangle'. Which is just odd, to be honest.
What stuff do you think is common?
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asked by
chthonic on 16th Oct at 4pm
Recreate a Famous Work of Art
Using anything but the arts package on your computer, recreate some real-world art using everyday objects. Examples: melt some clocks in the oven to do some Dali, or shape the Venus de Milo out of mashed potato. Anything is possible.
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set by
Fraser on 15th Oct at 7pm
B3ta newsletter 349, ok the economy has gone to shit, our personal savings are worth nothing and there's no point putting off the inevitable suicide, but stay 10 minutes longer for our lovely lovely newsletter.
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published by
rob on 10th Oct at 1pm
Spoilt Brats
Mr Newton sighs, "ever known anyone so spoilt you would love to strangle? I lived with a Paris Hilton-a-like who complained about everything, stomped her feet and whinged till she got her way. There was a happy ending though: she had to drop out of uni due to becoming pregnant after a one night stand..."
Who's the spoiltest person you've met? Has karma come to bite them yet? Or did you in fact end up strangling them? Uncle B3ta (and the serious crimes squad) wants to know.
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asked by
chthonic on 9th Oct at 2pm
Save the Economy
As economies collapse and billion-dollar rescue packages are handed out like sweets at a kid's birthday party, it's up to b3ta to restore faith in the nation's banking. Create those adverts.
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set by
Fraser on 8th Oct at 8pm
loves to whistle
